i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
