Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
