my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
