It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
