Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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