3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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