So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Randomize
