Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A bitchslap is in order.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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