Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sorry about my life...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
