How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
