hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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