Just fell off a train. Bad.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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