dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
