Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
