I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
