We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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