But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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