We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
