I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
