Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
