Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
