Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
