Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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