Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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