I cannot find my penis.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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