I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
MIDGETS
????
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
