I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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