He is such a slut. More and more my type.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
