he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
