She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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