Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
