i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
