Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
