my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
