I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
