Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
