You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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