Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
