So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
