I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
