ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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