I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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