Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
