Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
