At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
