At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
