All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
