Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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