i was born a porn star she said
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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