I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
