totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
