My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
