I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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