Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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