R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A bitchslap is in order.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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