I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
