the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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